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A Frankie Tale

The Misadventures of Art Baseling!!! Part 1 "Miami Is Soooo Rude"

So the WEEKEND is finally here! I finally get to see first-hand what all the Jazz is about! That event everyone keeps posting about online, flooding your timeline with endless pictures and video of art. My timeline was finally going to get the splash of pizazz it’s been yearning for. Now I can be one of the cool kids that posts #ArtBasel on social media! For years I have heard and followed the hype but had never been granted with the opportunity to go. Until now, NOW the days have come. It’s Thursday and all I can think about is leaving my mundane desk job, to break free and ingest some dope art from all over the world! I have one job: TO TURN UP….BASEL style! Ya know, this is the art scene-- so we must sip wine with our pinky up, rub our chin when pondering on artistic meaning, and wear dark shades indoors even though the moon is the sun right now. Maybe I’ll even throw in a little foreign accent for fun, because ya know- we gots to keep it classy.

So remember that long list of events I was referring to in my last blog? That’s our guide. Consider it like Dora’s Map. (Remember the super cute song: “I’m the Map!” That’s my jam yo!) This little piece of paper right here, has the formula for the perfect Basel experience. Or so I thought. As much as I tried to start my Basel weekend off on the right foot, it simply was not working out for me. The purpose of this itinerary was to ensure I can enjoy Art Basel as if I were a tourist. After all, it was my very first one. But an unfortunate chain of events took it’s course at every attempt I made to keep my weekend running smoothly. Let’s dig into these misadventures. Just how turnt was I during Art Basel weekend?

For starters, let me remind you a little thing about Miami: THE TRAFFIC SUCKS! Yes, I was well aware of how far I was traveling and approximately how long it was going to take me to reach my destination. What I forgot to consider however, was the extra 50,000+ people that decided to crowd the streets of Miami for this momentous weekend. My eyes began hurting at just the plain thought of brake lights. This traffic was seriously making me reconsider renaming my Radio show to “Greenlightv.”

So it’s Thursday evening. I’m trying to beat the traffic, but am unsuccessful. Stop & Go for 2 hours, here we go. Like seriously? Why are there so many accidents daily in South Florida? It’s literally every single day. Could it be the tourist? Are they just coming over here, and crashing all the time? Are they having ‘too much sauce’? Must be a new Florida fad.

By the time I made it home after leaving my office on Thursday evening, it was already 7PM. The VIP Preview I had planned to attend had already started hours ago. ‘But it ends at 10PM, I could still make it right?’ (Ya know, because the human subconscious has no chill.) Um, NO! After considering traffic going Southbound, parking nightmares, and all that, I knew there was no way I was going to make it. You can imagine how hard I took this. Not only was I off schedule, but now I am missing out on an entire day of awesomeness. I was low-key livid, because I set out to have four days of activity, not three. I plan things well in advance for this very reason. Pero I gotta follow Mariah’s advice and “Shake it Off”, because there is so much to do & see, there’s no way I can sit and pout at one day gone bad. All I can think about is going to Miami looking cute, (because ya know…looking cute is an essential part of winning!) and taking it all in. So how exactly was my first [real] Art Basel?

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